Kingdom Hearts: Interviews!
by Hollow Tasan
Summary: Basically a story with three original characters going around interviewing characters from the kingdom hearts series. Will include Organization 13, Sora and co., Radiant Garden Restoration Committee, allies, villains, and more.
1. Intro

-1A/N: If you haven't seen the secret final mix trailer for kingdom hearts 2 then do so. It will inspire. Obviously I have been inspired, unfortunately it disrupts the majority of my plans for my soon to be series, therefore I am holding off on it until more detail is known(names for instance). In the meantime I've decided to try my hand at a humor story. Not sure how good I'll do, so wish me luck.

A/N 2: Many of the characters you see in this story will appear in my series although with totally different personalities, remember this is humor, and my first attempt as well. The secret trailer really is great, and now with my series being put on temporary hold(thankfully I never posted the first chapter; which is done). Anyway enjoy, if anyone has any ideas or contributions to make go right ahead.

Kingdom Hearts: Interviews!

Intro

"Hello! This is Cairo here from the television show, _Interviews!_" A young man late teens smiled exuberantly at the camera. The cameraman, a man in the late twenties shook his head at the youths enthusiasm. He briefly glanced behind him to see the director glaring at them from behind. He hoped the young man would speed things up, currently having a viper breathe down your neck was not something people liked.

"For the next month or so we will be interviewing some of the most important people in the galaxy. No lake, mountain, boiling lava pit, electrical storm, or deathly desert will prevent us from doing what we do best!" The youth paused, before taking a breath and continuing.

"In this special month long event we will be interviewing the Keyblade Masters, the Restoration Committee, Organization Thirteen, Maleficent and her "allies", the leading rulers of the worlds in the heart system, and more. So besides are own questions we need questions from you. Yes you. I see you there sitting behind your computer reading over these words and trying not to roll your eyes at the unoriginal thought gone into creating such a magnificent television show." Cairo took a step towards the camera and leaned forward, bringing his voice down to soft whisper.

"All the questions you've ever wanted to ask are only moments away, and to make sure they tell the complete truth, a good friend of the director has agreed to lend us some truth telling potion. For those of you wondering this said potion is highly illegal in eight sectors of the universe, to get your hands on this highly illegal substance and maybe some love potions as well, merely call 1-800-POTIONS."

The director a fiery red-haired woman held up a finger and made a slashing motion across her throat. Cairo saw this and chuckled nervously, he grinned back into the camera and began again.

"But I'm not here to advertise, so forget what I just said. As I was saying the truth will be open to all, there darkest secrets, hidden crushes, personal life, thoughts and ideas will be laid bare. Ours for the taking. Now I haven't actually signed anything allowing me to do this…but when do I ever?"

"For those of your wondering we are in the heart section of the galaxy, the little area in space that no one really cares for, but ends up creating the most trouble. Our first interview will be with the Organization member Xemnas. Don't ask how we're going to be able to do this, just believe we've taken many, many pains."

The cameraman snorted causing Cairo and the director to glare at him. He couldn't help it, the only pain they went through to get to the _World-that-never-was _was a simple bribe from a certain red-haired member of the Organization. This same man had given them Xemnas' code combination for both his room and the castle. In exchange they had merely had to fork over a bit of information about twilight town…like where it was located for instance. That man may have been able to fight well, may have been able to sneak out of the _World-that-never-was_, but one thing he could not do was figure out directions to save his life. He had been heading in the exact opposite direction when they had found him.

"As I was saying, we've gone through many hardships,(the cameraman snorted) but in the end all will be worth it. Basically we just want permission from Xemnas to interro…err question his members, note I said want. We really just want to try and interrogate the Organization in order . It should not be too hard, especially with the amount of blackmail the red-headed member gave us."

"Now, let's begin." Cairo walked towards the large gray and white castle, stopping briefly to dance around a Dusk. They entered the castle with no problem. Sure, there _were_ guards, but they had recently struck up a game of poker and ignored them. Cairo inched forward to see what they were playing for but stepped back when he saw what it was. The Nobodies were quite obviously gambling with a large member of female and male unmentionables.

Cairo's P.O.V. (I'm going to switch it to Cairo's point of view, this way I can find out what way people prefer)

If I had thought the Nobodies at the door were creepy it did not compare to the floating ones creating a bunch of blocks and dropping them on each other's head. When they saw us, we were pelted with large square blocks, what was sad was they did not hit us once. Apparently they were defective because they got angry and flew into a wall, knocking themselves out and falling to the ground far below. With this final act the way to Xemnas was completely open.

If Axel was to believed all the other members were currently assembled on different worlds…meaning we would have to go search for them. I doubted that Xemnas would allow us to interview him right away, but who knows? He could surprise me.

How we were going to interview the rest of them would end up being the problem, I was fortunate to have found quite a few sponsors, S.S. Potions was one such company and I had many more as well. I would have to mention all of them within the base of our trip. For some reason I felt as if we would not make the deadline, although I'm always like that.

We finally reached Xemnas room, two Dusks were standing on either side of the door, it didn't look like they'd bother us however, they were fast asleep, we had actually seen two others nobodies within the castle. A Dusk and a Dancer were hiding in a closet, believe me when I tell you, you do NOT want to know why they were in the closet. Or what they were doing…

I knocked once on Xemnas door, he apparently did not hear it, so with a shared glance at my companions I burst open the door and we began to film.

"Here it is folks, the room of Xemnas himself, look around-" I stopped, I couldn't breathe. Rather than his room being completely black it was covered with Poster's of Maleficent and Radiant Garden's very own Yuffie. Apparently rumors of him being gay were false, although I shuddered at a picture of the entire organization in a group photo. I looked closer and realized little hearts were drawn above Saix, although it could have been himself, they had been standing awfully close. Maybe rumors of his sexuality were still in question after all. Daemon swirled the camera around in barely contained glee.

Swallowing I looked around the room and noticed that the room was obviously lacking the main person we had come to see. A stuffed heartless(at least I hoped it was stuffed) sat on the bed, underneath I noticed a small note.

"What have we here folks? It seems the Xemnas in question is missing in action, are search has just begun. As you can see by his room questions of his sexuality can only be answered by one person him…" I pointed to the posters of Maleficent and Yuffie, some of them were actually wearing very little, one of the Yuffie ones was not wearing anything at all. Yuffie in a birthday suit was not too bad, but for Xemnas it was horrible, how old was she, and him, anyway? Maleficent in a two piece bikini was simply disgusting, and nearly made Daemon puke, but what really got me was the fact the director was staring lustfully at a nude picture of Saix… It took my mind a minute to process what it had seen. Needless to say I was scarred for life, it looked like the director was as well, but not in the same way.

What really worried me is where Xemnas got all these posters I could never seen any of them… I shivered…even Saix doing any of those things. So how did Xemnas get the photos? I wrote a note to myself to ask it when we finally interviewed him. I finally looked down at the note.

"Well folks, you can not see some of these posters and believe me when I say it is a good thing. Xemnas may not be here but it looks like we have a lead to a different member. Here's what a note from Xemnas said to Axel."

_Number Eight,_

_I've received word that someone is searching for me, therefore I've decided to disappear from here for awhile. I will not tell you my location. It would be just like you to sell my location to anyone who is looking for me._

_I've left an item in the care of Xaldin, I wish for you to go and pick it up and bring it back to the Castle. It is important in furthering my plans. Xaldin was last seen at Beast's Castle. So get a move on it and go find him! Get me my item, so that we can finally finish Kingdom Hearts!_

_Sincerely,_

_Superior_

_P.S. If I find you putting any more posters in here as disgusting as the last few, so help me, you will be doing kitchen duty for a year. _

_P.S.S. Twilight Town is to the _east_ not the _west

"There you have it folks, apparently Xemnas has gone into hiding, which brings to question how he knew we were coming for him. Apparently we have a spy in our ranks…or someone overheard us talking. Only he knows." I heard the director cough and noticed her subtle hand gesture towards the time. The video we were taping on was nearing the end of its tape.

"We may be letting Xemnas go, but it looks like we have a new victim. Next stop Beast's Castle, hopefully finding Xaldin will go better than finding Xemnas. Until next time, Ciao."

A/N: There you have it, the first part done, an intro of sorts. This is going to have its own story to it with a plot besides the normal interviews. The interviewing will start next chapter and it will be Xaldin. So be sure to send any questions you want answered in a review and if you like you can make a question and answer and I'll throw it in the story.

Next Interview: Xaldin and Cogsworth. So send in your questions!


	2. Interviews at Beast’s Castle part I

-1A/N: Woot! A review! Thanks to **hanakitsunechan7 **for being the first reviewer. Also thanks a ton for the questions…the majority of which will be answered here, although one or two may be put off until a later date(I will answer them all eventually). Now I have added some of my own thought up questions and quite a few are serious at that…hopefully I'll get the majority of the characters IC. Keep the questions coming, now without further ado. Most worlds will be done in pieces with Cairo, Daemon, and the director repeatedly returning to each place over periods of time, so if you don't get a question answered I may be saving it for the future. Also I still need questions and really you can ask any character, but they appear in a certain order. Still need questions for Xaldin.

Interviews at Beast's Castle I part one

We landed at Beast's Castle with a thump and a roar. The thump was do to our gummy ship crashing into a angry heard of dire wolves. Needless to say it was a big thump…the roar followed after.

The minute we landed the gummy ship fell to pieces, but thankfully we always have an alternate means of transport, currently we have about eight, we had eleven but the first three failed or backfired.

So there we were a new tape of film recently inserted into the video camera, Daemon nervously shooting footage of the dire wolves that were currently chasing us. Out of all of us, only the director had weapons; two extremely deadly pistols. I heard and nearly felt as one such bullet shot out of her gun with deadly accuracy. Unfortunately she only had three bullets left. There were still nine dire wolves.

For those of you who do not know, dire wolves are basically wolves with intelligence and a deep heated hatred for mankind, we barely escaped.

We were saved by an extremely random castle in the middle of nowhere. The director motioned for me to begin speaking.

"We have finally made it to the world where Beast's Castle is located. Upon entering however we were attacked by large ferocious wolves. And of course like the heroes we are, we ran like heck in the other direction. You don't want your heroes damaged do you?" I gave a wink to the camera. I saw the director roll her eyes.

"Anyway the chase has led us to this dark, creepy, isolated, and more than likely dangerous castle. Surrounded by woods and wolves, could this be the _Beast's Castle_?" I paused for effect, staring up into the sky. The clouds were dark but it seemed as if the clasp of thunder and the flash of lightning I was hoping for did not feel like cooperating.

"Well, whether it is or isn't, we do know one thing…we are close." I nodded knowingly. "How you might ask? Well the sign over there, albeit being horribly decorative." Why anyone would ever use so much glitter and glue I would never know, and was rather happy about that. The sign had been put up in a rush the small part that was legible said "_Wear east. Trust pacers ill be ripped two sheds_."

I blinked. What the hell? I had no idea what the sign meant, and by the look of Daemon and the director's faces they probably did not either. Therefore we ignored the sign. As well as the next one…and the next one…and the one after that. By the time we actually reached the doors, the gargoyles were staring at us making us feel stupid, and we had passed a total of nine signs with extremely odd sayings on them.

"Here we are folks about to walk through the doors of this unnamed and uninhabited castle. And from this sign right where the doorbell should be is the name of our location." I pointed to a sign with the words _East's Assle. _Then I lifted a finger and pointed below it, another sign was made albeit smaller. This one was much more legible and had a slightly feminine touch. "_In regards to the sign above, he meant Beast's Castle…sorry for the confusion_." The camera was currently on the signs, and strangely enough it seemed as if someone had wrote below it. "_It makes sense! Finally!" _and below actually on top of the first sign one could see that someone had written in large bold letters "_Sora was here. Ha! I win Riku!_"

"So we have made it to the Beast's Castle, what creatures and people will we meet in this dark and gloomy place?" I paused, nope the lightning and thunder were still being stubborn. "Where will we find this strange man Xaldin, the third member of the fabled _Organization Thirteen_?" Paused again, still nothing. "Now we shall enter the Beast's Cas-"

The three of us jumped back as the door in front of us slid open. We looked in, the inside was very fancy, very decorative, and the most amazing thing? No one had opened the door.

"What the hell?" Daemon said behind me, the camera was not pointing above my shoulder but rather towards the ground in front of me.

It was there that I saw it. Standing at roughly 2 feet in height, although possibly a bit smaller…the light(none) was making it look bigger, was the one who had opened the door. A walking clock with hands of which do not tell time, but rather form a mustache, and whose arms are actually golden ornaments at the clock's sides glared angrily back up at us. I could see a swinging pendulum through its glass-fronted stomach.

"Who goes there? Who are you? What business do you have being at this castle? Leave now. Out, out I say." The clock attempted to slowly walk back inside, but out of instinct I grabbed him. Daemon seeing what I did got the video camera in position.

"Look here folks, it looks like we have discovered an entirely new species. A walking, talking, and rather ornery clock! Which reminds me… Do you ever feel that you have a need to change something that went wrong. Something that you cold make better? Well now you can. It may not be a stopwatch, but it's the very best next thing." I paused as the clock attempted to bite me, I ignored it. I had to get this out before the opportunity was lost. "That's right, for this limited time offer E. Brown is selling his specialty designed time machine. And it gets better folks, it's in the form of a car. All your past mistakes can be fixed with a flip of a switch, and step on the gas. Simply visit Hill Valley at _The Clock Tower_." I managed to get the last bit out before the director gave Daemon to cut me off.

"Unhand me, you insolent child!" The clock screamed, I had totally forgotten he was still in my hands. Still struggling against me.

"Child! I'll have you know, I am an adult."

"A dolt is right, now let me go!" I growled at his words, I was tempted to throw him against the nearby wall, apparently he saw my thoughts as well, because he shut up pretty quickly.

"Listen, shut up alright?" I didn't wait for a response. "Look my name is Cairo and these two are my gofers." I ignored the glares shot from my companions. It was all in fun. Really! "I am the host for the television show _Interviews!, _we didn't mean to bother you, but we did. Terribly sorry."

"Yes, well, you should be. Interrupting the business of one such as I! Why I have important duties that the Master wishes to see done. It's not good to upset the Master." He whispered conspiratorially.

"Err, right." I intended to say more, but the clock beat me to it.

"My name's Cogsworth by way. You wouldn't happen to be with the other three that came here?"

"Other three?"

"Yeah, a duck, a dog thing, and a kid with a key." My eyes lit up, it was the Keyblade bearer…or at least one of them.

"You mean Sora, Donald, and Goofy?" I asked excitedly.

"Ah yes, that was them. They left quite a while ago. Helped solve a problem the Master was having." My excitement died, guess the interview with a Keyblade bearer would have to wait. On the other hand, I did have someone right in front of me, who I could interview. Maybe I could get out of him where Xaldin was, or better yet Sora or Xemnas. Suddenly the name of the clock clicked in my mind.

"Wait a minute. Did you say Cogsworth?" Ironically enough the lightning and thunder worked this time, although it was unneeded and unwanted.

"Err, yes I did. Why?"

"It's nothing. I just realized where I had heard your name before. Apparently you have some fans on our show. We've gotten requests to interview you from quite a few people. The name never clicked though until now. I'm sure I have some letters from your fans somewhere…"

"What? I mean… I'd be simply delighted. Come let's talk outside." Just like that his entire attitude turned a bit more happy. I was lying through my teeth. I had heard of him, the letters we had were genuine. I just didn't know how or why he turned into a clock. Or for that matter why we had letters requesting we do an interview for him, I was also extremely good at improvisation, so could make quite a few questions on the fly. Out of all the worlds this was one of the three I had never visited before. It didn't mean our loyal fans hadn't though.

I mentioned for Daemon to get the camera ready, he nodded. The director just looked at me questioningly. I winked back at her and she huffed and turned to talk something with Daemon. We got the clock ready, and had found the few genuine letters(as well as some not so genuine), then we let the camera roll.

"Welcome it looks like we have our first interviewer of the season with us today. Today from the Beast's very own castle is his manservant, the walking, talking clock, Cogsworth!" The camera switched to the little clock, who waved his stump-like arms in the air as if he was actually on TV…poor sod. "Welcome Cogsworth, glad you could be here with us."

"Err…"

"Right. Anyway Cogsworth here are the questions…

(once the questions are asked descriptions are rather irrelevant, unless specifically noted….goes quicker)

1. How big is Beast's Castle?

Right, well. As a clock it's quite a bit bigger than an average castle.

2. Have you seen my Hopso petpet? (He seems to have taken a stroll while I wasn't looking.)

Now why would you be so irresponsible and lose your pet? No I haven't seen it, but perhaps the Master has, I'll go ask him.(a growl is heard in the distance) On second thought…

3. Where's your CD collection?

Do you really believe this glass case is just for show?

4. How many times do you have to wind yourself up in a day?

……(he stops to wind himself up) Oh I'm sorry did you say something?

5. How many mice have run up you? (reference to nursery rhyme)

Mice! You wouldn't believe how many times those rodents crawl up me! As if I am merely an ornament! (to prove his point a mouse scurries up him and begins chewing on his mustache) See! See! This is what I have to live with!

6. Do you have a hammer space?(often seen in anime)

Yes.

7. What do you keep in it?

Extra hands. You would not believe the amount of times the Beast has torn off my mustache in a fit of rage…or Lumiere has "_accidentally_" set it on fire.

8. Would you like a crescent roll I saved from the Cake N' Bacon?

How old is it?

9. What is your actual job?

What exactly do you mean by that?

10. Do you know what time it is?

…………

11. Who does the Beast like more, you or Lumiere?

Hopefully Lumiere, if I'm his favorite and he treats me the way he does……

12. Who does Belle like more?

Why that is no contest. Me, of course.

13. Have you ever had a girlfriend?

Actually me and Lumiere have always fought over Mrs. Potts… Can you edit that out in the final cut?

14. What do you think of Sora?

That he enjoys letting me fall…and he has very big shoes.

15. Who would you say is more villainous; a cheese man or a gingerbread man?

Cheese. It would attract more mice.(shudders).

16. Do you believe in extraterrestrials?

No. There is no feasible way that any species other than our own exist. They are simply a made up fantasy created by idealists.

17. Which is why you're currently a talking clock?

………

18. Have you seen the heartless?

Beasts or shadows?

19. You do know you just insulted your master, right?

Oh dear…

20. Have you ever seen a man in a black cloak?

You see many men in black cloaks in my profession.

21. I mean any spectacularly evil one?

Well, there was this one guy, who really made the Master angry.

22. What happened to him?

He left after his pet heartless was destroyed.

23. There's no way he could still be here?

I sincerely hope not.

24. What did this guy say his name was?

I believe it was Xaldin

25. One last question. Do you have anything to say to your fans?

Yes. Don't let the Master get you down. He does have a heart. Deep inside him. Very deep inside…Somewhere.

(such ends the questions for Cogsworth).

"Thank you Cogsworth for that marvelous interview. We sure have learned a lot. Who knew the life of a walking clock was so hard?" I nearly gagged. But at least the interview was over, I finished thanking him and watched as he went inside. I gave the signal to Daemon to scrap the tape.

"Well, that was a waste of time. But it looks like Xaldin was here…" I trailed off. I saw something on the bridge between the castle and the gates, a man was angrily cursing at a statue, a large spear had been jabbed inside it and it looked as if he couldn't get it out. I grinned. He would be a good person to interview. That I knew. The large black cloak and pointy ears gave him away. It was Xaldin. Maybe the trip wasn't such a waste after all.

A/N: Next chapter is the interview with Xaldin, one of them anyway. For those of you who do not know, this takes place right after Sora and the gang left the world the first time. Not next chapter but the chapter after the group is actually going to see Sora, although no interviews with any of them yet. The next interviews(after Xaldin) will be from two of this group. (Hercules, Phil, Auron, Hades, or Demyx) So make questions for all of them(or any). More questions for Xaldin would be good. Special thanks to hanakitsunechan7 for questions 1-8.


End file.
